5/22/2025 7:39 AM

My brush pen got into an accident. Someone ran over my brush pen, probably with his high-end luxurious car. What am I saying? It’s 7:46 already, and I have so much to write. I have to rewire my brain to force myself to succeed. I mean, if I cannot imagine getting successful, then I would never be there. The first part of success is to believe in it. There was a reel that said to think about the best possible outcome and make a script out of it. For example, this end of the year, December 1, 2025, I am going to the party of my friends in my luxury vehicle, wearing a tuxedo. And you have to write that in detail. Vusialize that shit and write that like a novel. Next thing is that you need to record the audio format of your future that you have thoroughly visualized. After recording, listen to that audio while you go to bed every night. 

This is like predicting the future and believing that things will happen according to your goal. That’s crazy, but what if it actually works, and people are not very consistent or give up midway? Rather than sticking to details or making things right, they blame it on the process and quit before making it big. This visualization or manifestation thing, I don’t know if it works or not. But one should be confident in what s/he wants in life. If one keeps switching from one desire to another, s/he will get none. One reel in particular got me questioning my thinking process. That one guy asked the viewer to close their eyes and visualize that they have everything they ever desire. I mean whatever you want, it's in your possession. Money, products, connections, places, people, everything. Where are you now? At the moment, in your thoughts, what are you doing currently once you have everything? I did visualize myself standing on the stage with the host and people around, people cheering me with confetti in the air. A Brand new black luxury car back of me. I am waving to everybody from the stage wearing a black and burgundy tuxedo. 

I visualize everything I have ever imagined, but still. I am not happy. I don’t care about the world cheering me for nothing. I don’t even know why I am at this stage, and why people are cheering for me. More than happy, I am confused. I feel like I am an actor performing something else on the stage. Like, I am not that person, but I have to be because that's what success looks like and what people expect of me. Although I have everything in the world, I feel like I am surrounded by people whom I don’t know. I am lost in an unknown sea with a big ass curse ship, surrounded by people I don’t even know but everybody knows me. I'm trying to vividly elaborate, but I cannot grasp the exact problem here. It’s okay to have everything at your disposal, but if there’snot no sweet sorrow of challenge, what is the point of everything? I mean, just like Jake of Adventure Time said. If you get what you want the minute you want, what’s the point of it? I want to enjoy the endurance of my journey. I want to grieve at my failure, go to sleep, and get back up to do it all over again until I succeed. I want to cut wood pieces, stick them, and make a frame for my photos with my very own hands. I want to do things without the fear of losing. That’s what excites me. Not getting things but doing things to get them. I don’t know what kind of mindset this adheres to, but I love making stuff rather than getting it from the market. 

This is how I visualize myself. I'm listening to peaceful music and creating a golden masterpiece in a big ass canvas while the world watches in awe. My friends arrive and they do their own work, some are stitching and some are crocheting. It’s like a big studio where people come to view artists at work. Some artists can book a place to work with other artists. It’s like a joint community gallery. Not far from the hall, there’s a little cafe with flowers and fauna. While the cafe is at the window corner, with the balcony too. The artist and craftsman are on the other corner doing their work. The middle space is filled with recently completed art or other unique antique pieces. 

I am somewhere in the artist studio inside the hall, chatting with other artists about random stuff and painting away my artwork. My friends are also there, drinking coffee and playing chess silently. There is live going o, and a mediator between me and chat because I don’t want the distraction of reading the screen to see what others have to say. I would rather speak and listen since my eyes are working on my painting. Plus, talking to a mediator would feel natural instead of reading chat and answering questions. There will also be woodwork and cooking, but that would be out of my context, but still, I love to mix and match various types of artwork. Cooking is also a form of artwork, so I would definitely cook for the sake of my interest. 

Damn! I am slowly beginning to understand that what I am imagining is a big academy for people who just want to do things. I am not made to have a luxurious life; I am made to have a common and accomplished life. But, you know, I, too,o want to party in a suit with a swimming pool and chicks around. Go to the VIP lounge and drink expensive shit. That would be fun to do once in a while. I also think of trekking and camping with friends. I already had my dreams fulfilled with my colleague, you and I will do it all over again. The only thing that worries me is my family. That’s it! I have to leave this country. Leaving this country is not the only option I have, but I need to be by myself to accomplish whatever is stuck in my life. 

Having your own art gallery would be awesome. My goal is to have a big art warehouse type of gallery with an Artist at work in one corner and an Art cafe in another corner. In the middle will be all the art created by the local artist. I want artists to get the respect they deserve. Not many people notice this, but art shapes people, and art and music are the food to one’s soul. I would love to include a musical room and karaoke room, but that would go beyond boundaries. Although I listen to music and have some taste for it, I just don’t know how things might go. 

One thing I remember. There are a lot of talented people there who require funding. Patreon is a must to rise from the crap and stand out.  If your movie is worth shooting, the art is worth viewing, and the music is worth listening to. I would gladly spend my money on bringing creation to life. What kind of life would I live when I get all the things above? A director’s life? An artist's life? Or a manager’s life? A creator’s life.