3/8/2025

 

3/8/2025 7:36 AM

It’s already 7:36! I should have done this 20 minutes ago. Ahh shit. Anyways, I need music. I have come back with the music but now what? I have no idea. I think I should draw more now. But how? It’s like my basic instinct. You know when you think of doing something very much that you end up doing despite all the obstacles and hurdles. But this time, it's the opposite. I mean the huddles are winning and I'm not. I mean I am skipping my workout routine and whatnot. Shit. I should keep my life in check. But how? Wish there were some other motives. Yes,I do have motives but right now, it’s overwhelming. 

What? How can a simple drawing be overwhelming? Yes, I am trying to maintain my quality but do heck with that? Okay, I have left my Japanese studies far behind and now I have to pick it up from where I left. I mean I must study and don’t want to leave it to chance. I will study, apply to Japan, and study there. But do I really want to go anywhere when everything I want and need is right here, except for the money? Yes, besides money, I believe I have everything. But money is everything. How can you have everything besides money when money is almost everything?

I don’t know. I mean I have time to do things I want and all I want to do is draw, write, read and those kinds of things are cheap so yeah. Maybe things I do don’t fall in the wealth category. Although I must admit that having an iPad will greatly increase my productivity. I recently obtained that from my sister and I should think of ways to read books I always thought of reading. Books such as Don Quixote and I forgot other books but I now won't have to buy books. Books such as The One Thing, Atomic Habit, and The Power. Yes, I have bought them all but it’s not in my bookshelves anymore. I have given it to my friends and families. You know, to expand their knowledge. But I too want to reread it so it reminds me to keep my life in check. Well, I now have an iPad, I think I will revise my self-help books and take notes on key lessons. 

I now have to purchase one iPad keyboard and start typing everywhere because I can carry them anywhere. My plan is to go to the library and start brainstorming ideas and typing shit. But you know, I always could do that with a pen/pencil and paper. Ahh Pen&Paper, is the most versatile, the most commonly used, and the cheapest of them all. I could have written all this on a piece of paper also, But here I am, typing away my thoughts beside all these pens and papers.

I don’t know what I am typing. Technology brings old things in new ways. Just like typing. It's a digital form of writing. Now, I will shift to digital drawing, but I won't stop drawing manually. It’s just not possible to draw everything digitally, at least not for me. 

All the things I could have done.

What if I close my eyes and when I open them, I am 15 years in the past. I now know things that dont work out, will I repeat my mistakes?  Is loving a person in the past who is no longer your present a mistake? Would you rather work hard or make memories with friends if you had a chance to relive your life. I mean are those mistakes? What do you call them? Taking care of someone who will leave you in your darkest time, being kind to mean people, sharing deepest fear only to be ridiculed. Some things are considered as a blunder of life but that's how life teaches you. Undoing them is like taking away the right to grow because one cannot grow in comfort. You need to watch bad movies in order to appreciate the beauty of good movies, eat bad food to know the taste of good food. I mean it's simply not possible to always live or have a pleasant and comfortable life. Because it’s dull, boring, lackluster and Soulless. There is another side to it, that doesn't follow the status quo. I mean staying still and doing nothing are two completely different things and one should know it’s extremely difficult to do nothing than to do anything at all. Doing completely nothing is not boring or soulless but challenging. It’s one thing that no human could achieve so they go about their life doing anything to keep themselves occupied. 

Where are all these thoughts coming from? Oh yeah, I had a dream. I think I already mentioned it somewhere on the pages. The dream was me going back to the past and observing everything that was about to happen. Like the unfolding of the time book where I have studied the future chapters. Like the future of the specific old house outside the cafe store. While sipping a cup with a friend, I noticed that the house would no longer be there in my future time period. Instead, it’s recently been demolished in my future version. I think to myself, After some decades, nobody will know such a beautiful house with a lush flower garden exists there. Only its photographs will remain along with the memory of people who had shared their part of lives with the house. Times are changing and so are we. I believe our past is just a fragment of distant dreams, they are long gone and it’s better to leave it as they are. Like a bittersweet memory. My second best quote is “Never regret whatever you do, because in the end, it makes you who you are.” 

Some things are in our control like what we do with our time, and some things are not, like the rain that falls or sun to shine. Why am I saying this? No matter how much we go back in time, there are always things we cannot control. Can we prevent disaster from happening if we know it? What the hell am I talking about? I am talking about things like. Will it change me if I have a chance to relive my life? Will I live a different life or end up living the same life as it is now? I mean, if I had this kind of wisdom and knowledge 10 years back before then things would have ended up different. I wouldn’t have fallen for girls that easily or wouldn’t help people who don’t value my time and effort. I have learned from my mistakes and … but you know. Those are the exact things you will tell yourself in the future when you fall for some girl, only to be heartbroken, and trust people who will betray you. I mean, we don’t know how people will end up in the future so it's better to live life carefully and believe and trust yourself. Just like Sylvester Stallone said, “You're the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, you ain't gonna have a life.”

Like literally believe in yourself. No doubt about it. No what ifs and what not. Don’t let others cloud your ideas or what people say, Gaslight you. You are not only flesh and bones, animals, fish, and birds too are flesh and bones. What makes you different is your ideas, the things you do and believe. Be someone in the billions even if it kills you. At least you will die knowing you did things you always wanted to. Damn! That’s too depressing and wholesome at the same time. Don’t listen to me. Peace out! *Mike drops*